THE ANIMAL COMMITTEE
by Rolland Carlson
by Rolland Carlson
A long time ago a group of animals that lived around a large pond gathered together to talk about a perceived problem. They felt uneasy because they thought the Great Spirit was unhappy with them. Each one of them knew they had certain strengths but they had to admit that they also had weaknesses. How could they make the Great Spirit happy?
The rat, as was his nature, spoke first and suggested they design a new and perfect animal to please the Great Spirit. Since all the animals believed that rat was clever and smart they agreed to go along with him. Rat said, “I think we should start with a body like mine, but bigger. I have a generalized body that is suited for all kinds of places.” The animals nodded their heads in agreement as this seemed wise.
The duck started quacking loudly and wanted to make a suggestion. The animals all cringed because the duck always talked too much so they considered him to be a bit of a fool. When the beaver spoke up they all turned their backs on the duck and listened to the beaver. The beaver didn’t talk a lot and when he did he talked slowly. So, they reasoned, he must be wise.
The beaver suggested that the new animal should have a tail like his. After all, living by this great pond he would spend a lot of time in the water and the tail could be used to help him steer. The other animals clapped their paws and wings in agreement as this seemed like a really good idea.
The duck started quacking again and there was a collective sigh from the animals. They were relieved when the otter broke in saying, “I think the new animal should have webbed feet like mine. It is such an advantage when moving in the water.” This idea met with instant approval.
The duck began to quack again but shut up when mother hen spoke. Nobody ever interrupted wise old mother hen. She commented that “the animal looked like it was some kind of mammal. She added that mammal birthing is such a mess with all that blood and stuff. I think our animal should lay eggs. It is so much cleaner and easier and all you have to do is keep them warm for a while and out bounce healthy babies.” This seemed quite unorthodox to the other animals but they did want something creative and besides, Mother hen made the suggestion.
After this the duck really started jumping up and down and making a lot of noise until the cow stepped on his foot. This hurt so he was quiet. The cow wanted the animal to produce milk like she did. That way the babies would have food as soon as they hatched out and it was so much better than grubbing around looking for bugs. There was instant approval for this idea.
But, as soon as they made the new animal a milk producer the duck really went through a hissy fit. He stomped his feet on the ground and quacked and quacked until his face turned red. He began crying because no one would ever listen to him. Because of this outburst the animals forgot to put nipples on the new animal so the babies would be stuck forever after licking milk off of their mommy’s fur.
The duck screamed that the new animal would have to eat and, because it lived much of the time in water, it should have a beak like his that would allow him to easily eat. The group was stunned; This was a good idea. So, they did as the duck suggested.
The animals assembled to show their new creation to the Great Spirit. The Spirit looked long and thoughtfully at the new creation. After a considerable amount of time he slowly declared, “This looks like something put together by a committee.”
